Healing The Mother Wound
Healing the Mother Wound: Understanding Generational Shifts in Motherhood
Why Are So Many Moms Struggling with Their Own Mothers?
Modern moms are waking up to a generational phenomenon: the Boomer Grandmother Gap. As a therapist working with new and expecting mothers, I often hear deep frustration—not about motherhood itself, but about the relationships clients have with their own moms.
Some of this is true for me too. I’m lucky: my mom is a therapist who’s been in private practice for over 25 years. She’s helped shape the clinician and mother I am today. But I still feel echoes of this shared experience, a longing for more want to from our mothers, not just have to.
Many of us grew up with grandparents who seemed to adore us endlessly showering us with ice cream, toys, surprise visits, even showing up at kindergarten graduations in the middle of a workday. That level of devotion left an imprint. So now, when we ask for help with our own children and hear hesitation—or feel invisible—it cuts deep.
Boomer Moms vs. Their Mothers: What Changed?
To understand the mother wound, we have to mentalize—a therapy term for stepping into someone else’s internal experience. Let’s take a look:
👵 Our Grandmothers
Raised to be caretakers from a young age
Took pride in homemaking and child-rearing
Often not working when their kids were young
Being a grandmother was part of their identity
👩🦰 Our Mothers (Boomers & Some Gen X)
Grew up in the wake of the Women’s Liberation Movement
Encouraged to pursue careers, delay childbearing
Juggled full-time work with primary parenting
Often isolated in motherhood, relying on convenience to survive
While our grandmothers leaned into caretaking roles, Boomer moms were among the first to do it all—often without the support they needed. For some, becoming a grandmother doesn’t feel like a joyful return to nurturing. It feels like stepping back into burnout.
The Painful Reality for Millennial Moms
So many of us were raised on the empowerment messages of “You can be anything!” But those messages didn’t come with a manual for asking for help or being mothered as adults. It’s no wonder we feel confused and hurt when our mothers seem emotionally distant or practically unavailable.
We wonder:
Why doesn’t she want to babysit more?
Why does she seem annoyed when I need help?
Why can’t I talk to her about how hard this is?
Understanding the “Mother Wound”
The mother wound is the grief, anger, or disappointment we feel when our needs weren’t met by the person we expected would know us best. It can show up as:
Feeling judged or invalidated
Resenting your mom’s lack of support
Overcompensating with your own children
Emotional distance or guilt
In therapy, I work with clients to explore these wounds not to blame, but to understand. When we contextualize our mothers’ behavior within cultural, generational, and historical patterns, we gain compassion—and often, relief.
That doesn’t mean ignoring harm. It means letting go of unrealistic expectations and learning to mother yourself in the ways you always needed.
Healing Is Possible—and It Starts with You
If you’re grieving the relationship you wish you had with your mom, you are not alone.
Healing the mother wound doesn’t require reconciliation—it requires recognition.
In my work as a therapist for mothers and women navigating complex family dynamics, I help clients:
Identify intergenerational patterns
Set boundaries with love and clarity
Process unmet needs without shame
Reclaim their sense of self in motherhood
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Whether you’re a brand new mom or parenting through burnout and disappointment, there’s space for your story here.
🌿 I offer therapy for moms and women in Connecticut, Florida, and Pennsylvania.
👉 Schedule a free consultation
Or follow along on Instagram: @healing_clover_counseling