Am I Ruining My Child?
If you’ve ever whispered, Googled, or cried out the words “Am I ruining my child?”—you’re far from alone. Parenting anxiety is real, and modern parents are navigating an overwhelming sea of opinions, research, and pressure to “get it right.”
As a therapist specializing in motherhood mental health, I want to offer some reassurance:
If you’re asking this question, you’re probably not the problem.
Why So Many Parents Feel Like They’re Failing
Today’s parents, in the instagram era, are carrying an invisible load. You want to raise emotionally intelligent, secure children while also healing your own childhood wounds, maintaining a household, managing work, and possibly navigating postpartum or perinatal mental health challenges.
The question “Am I ruining my child?” often stems from fear that one wrong move will define your child forever. But children don’t need perfect parents. They need present, real ones.
The Myth of the “Perfect” Parent
I have worked with a number of parents with whom I have had to challenge their notion of shielding their children from their own struggles. It is unhelpful to you and your children to try to pretend to be perfect.
When you hide your emotions or avoid vulnerability altogether, children may view you as impossibly calm and composed. This can:
Make them feel broken or “too much” for having big feelings.
Create emotional distance and shame.
Lead to perfectionism and people-pleasing later in life.
Kids don’t need a flawless parent, they need a parent who understands them. (This is often my comeback to parents who have struggled with depression and anxiety and worried that they have been selfish to have children of their own, knowing that genetic factors may increase the risks for them.)
When Sharing Becomes Oversharing: The Risk of Parentification
At the same time, it is important to avoid oversharing your emotional struggles with your children. When parents turn to their kids for emotional support, it can lead to:
Parentification: the child becomes the emotional caretaker.
Role reversal, where children feel responsible for adult problems.
Long-term anxiety, guilt, or difficulty setting boundaries in relationships.
💡 It’s healthy to say “I’m having a hard day.” It’s not healthy to say “I don’t know how I’ll get through this.”
So What’s the Balance?
The sweet spot is emotionally honest and contained. Modeling emotional health might sound like:
“I felt sad this morning, so I took a break to rest.”
“I was frustrated earlier, but I’m okay now.”
“Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but I know how to take care of myself.”
This kind of language teaches kids that feelings are normal, manageable, and not something they need to fix. While sometimes you may offer them valuable skills such as breathing, resting, or exercise, do not make the mistake that you need to offer a solution to every problem.
You’re Not Ruining Your Child—You’re Building Awareness
When parents ask, “Am I doing this right?” it shows insight, care, and intention. That’s what creates emotionally safe families, not perfection.
In my work as a parenting therapist in Connecticut, Florida, and Pennsylvania, I help clients:
Untangle parenting anxiety
Learn emotionally healthy communication
Process their own upbringing to break generational cycles
Rebuild confidence and connection
You are probably doing your best, we all are! Most of us are arguably doing marginally better than what we had. These fears you have are not coming from you alone. Consider that they could be related to the relationship you have with your own parents. Healing your mother wound can be the best thing you ever do for yourself and your family.
Ready for Support?
If you’re struggling with parenting stress, anxiety, or guilt, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it all out yourself.
🌿 I offer virtual therapy in Connecticut, Florida, and Pennsylvania for mothers, parents, and caregivers navigating this season with heart.